Friday, June 03, 2011

Some days I feel...

... like a "bad mommy." I was so looking forward to having two to two and a half months of maternity leave where I could just focus on Sam and his needs and do lots of things with him that I KNEW he would love. And then Sam had the flu, and I hurt my back and couldn't walk, and I still have not felt great (read: non-nauseous) this entire pregnancy and it sucks. And I felt like a "bad mommy."

And other days Sam has a lot of fun and I feel like I can help him with things or set up special things for him or I can spend a little more time with him, letting him direct what he wants to do and I feel like a "good mommy."

There have been moments this past week where "good mommy" wins out and that makes me really happy. Like doing errands with Sam and letting him walk through stores and carry things, rather than just stuffing him in a cart because "it's easier." Or when we ate a snack of sliced apples outside and did sidewalk chalk and bubbles. That was a fun hour! Or arranging a play date with his friend Stella and when they headed outside, of their own accord, just interfering enough to make sure they had boots on and then letting them do as they wanted. Or looking through photo albums with Sam and telling him about the pictures because he seems to like it so much.

It's been easier to be a "good mommy" this week because I've been feeling better and then I think I have more patience with Sam. I just need to hold onto these moments and know that they HAVE happened and thus, they likely WILL happen again. Right?!?!

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