May 11, 2020
I’m Bored
by Sam
by Sam
I am very bored
I wish I was not so bored
Being bored’s no fun
Today Rachel Played iPad
by Rachel
Today Rachel played iPad. First, she turned on the iPad. Then she went to Safari and searched YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/. Next, she watched videos for a while. After that, she switched on to Minecraft to play. Finally, her mom told her to get off screens and read (I like to read just not as much as I like to play iPad.).
Plush Pig Production Paralyzed
Perfectionist Parent Ponders Pitching Poor Product
by Dave
In the industrial heartland of KCUT, a key factory closed its doors this past week, citing labour disputes and persistent quality control issues.
The factory, KC Porcine Manufacturing Group, had been churning out pig-like stuffed animals, inspired by the previous success of Jillian Jiggs Corp, which produced “millions and billions” of pigs, according to its marketing material. However, KPMG’s output has not been nearly so productive. The factory’s troubles began with a walk-off by its younger workers, who had complained about poor pay and insufficient training. This cut the manufacturing line staff by half, with the remaining workers being older, reliant on decades-old training and, in the words of one line manager, “clumsier than an arthritic crab”.
The results have been, unsurprisingly, not up to KPMG’s high standards for quality and craftsmanship. One pig came off the assembly line missing an eye, and another was described by a factory worker (who asked to remain anonymous) as “a Franken-pig, likely to haunt some poor child’s nightmares, rather than helping calm them at bedtime.”
KPMG has explored options for improving the situation, including re-training its remaining workers and offering a hiring bonus for workers who recently left, provided they can produce results that meet the company’s product standards. However, factory owner Dave has also been overheard musing about closing the factory entirely: “I wish that I was trying to make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear; in fact, I’m just trying to make a half-decent sow’s ear out of some leftover felt!”
by Rachel
Today Rachel played iPad. First, she turned on the iPad. Then she went to Safari and searched YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/. Next, she watched videos for a while. After that, she switched on to Minecraft to play. Finally, her mom told her to get off screens and read (I like to read just not as much as I like to play iPad.).
Plush Pig Production Paralyzed
Perfectionist Parent Ponders Pitching Poor Product
by Dave
In the industrial heartland of KCUT, a key factory closed its doors this past week, citing labour disputes and persistent quality control issues.
The factory, KC Porcine Manufacturing Group, had been churning out pig-like stuffed animals, inspired by the previous success of Jillian Jiggs Corp, which produced “millions and billions” of pigs, according to its marketing material. However, KPMG’s output has not been nearly so productive. The factory’s troubles began with a walk-off by its younger workers, who had complained about poor pay and insufficient training. This cut the manufacturing line staff by half, with the remaining workers being older, reliant on decades-old training and, in the words of one line manager, “clumsier than an arthritic crab”.
The results have been, unsurprisingly, not up to KPMG’s high standards for quality and craftsmanship. One pig came off the assembly line missing an eye, and another was described by a factory worker (who asked to remain anonymous) as “a Franken-pig, likely to haunt some poor child’s nightmares, rather than helping calm them at bedtime.”
KPMG has explored options for improving the situation, including re-training its remaining workers and offering a hiring bonus for workers who recently left, provided they can produce results that meet the company’s product standards. However, factory owner Dave has also been overheard musing about closing the factory entirely: “I wish that I was trying to make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear; in fact, I’m just trying to make a half-decent sow’s ear out of some leftover felt!”
May 12, 2020
Rachel Builds An Airplane (out of a cardboard box) Step By Step
by Rachel
1. First you get a large cardboard box
2. Second you cut shapes out of it
3. Third you decorate the airplane with colour
4. Fourth you put signs on one side of the airplane
5. Fifth you let your art dry (if it needs to, if not follow on to step six).
6. Start it going and have fun!!
Good bye little pilots!!!
Sam's Totally True Story That Actually Happened (it’s real)
by Rachel
1. First you get a large cardboard box
2. Second you cut shapes out of it
3. Third you decorate the airplane with colour
4. Fourth you put signs on one side of the airplane
5. Fifth you let your art dry (if it needs to, if not follow on to step six).
6. Start it going and have fun!!
Good bye little pilots!!!
Sam's Totally True Story That Actually Happened (it’s real)
by Sam
One day as I was walking down the street, I saw something weird. It looked like a grey circle, and I thought I saw something move inside it, but I wasn’t sure. Then as it approached, I realized it was a flying saucer! I immediately ran inside, as to not get attacked by aliens. I peered out the window as it descended upon my backyard. As I watched, the hatch on top open up and out came a hand! Then another, and another, and another! Two figures hauled themselves out of the ship. They looked strangely human. As I looked closer, I saw they were human! I crept outside to see what was happening. I asked the people from the saucer what was going on. They told me that they were test-flying a new aircraft for inventor A. Lee En. Once I had confirmed that the earth wasn’t being invaded by aliens, I went inside to take a nap. Then I woke up.
One day as I was walking down the street, I saw something weird. It looked like a grey circle, and I thought I saw something move inside it, but I wasn’t sure. Then as it approached, I realized it was a flying saucer! I immediately ran inside, as to not get attacked by aliens. I peered out the window as it descended upon my backyard. As I watched, the hatch on top open up and out came a hand! Then another, and another, and another! Two figures hauled themselves out of the ship. They looked strangely human. As I looked closer, I saw they were human! I crept outside to see what was happening. I asked the people from the saucer what was going on. They told me that they were test-flying a new aircraft for inventor A. Lee En. Once I had confirmed that the earth wasn’t being invaded by aliens, I went inside to take a nap. Then I woke up.
May 13, 2020
BREAKING FISH NEWS
by Rachel
Today we will listen to Bluey as he tells us the fish news.
– Hello I’m Mr. Bluey and today the news is somebody got into the fish school and messed everything up.
– Hello I’m Mrs. Pink and we are trying to figure out who how and what the person did we’ll be back...
- Ah, I’m back and just found out who did this damage, it was Mr. Cat. We still haven’t found out how he got in but don’t worry we can ask him. So Mr. Cat we have a few questions one is why, two is how and three is when?
Well, I wasn't trying to but I came across the school and I looked at things but I got a bit carried away.
Meepbob Vs. Uni Unicorns
by Sam
Today Meepbob hosted the Uni Unicorns at Meepbob's Backyard Stadium. They played 3 innings, and ended with a score of 9-8 Meepbob. The starting pitchers were Tim Leary for Meepbob, and Marcus Stroman for the Unicorns. In the top of the first, Leary gave up 5 runs on 7 hits. In the bottom of the first, Stroman shut down the Meepbob offence, gave up no runs and only 1 hit. In top of the second, Tim Leary was replaced by Ross Stripling, who managed to keep the Unicorns to only 1 more run. In the bottom half of the inning, Meepbob managed to bring 3 runs home, to make the score 6-3. In the first half of the third, Uni managed to score another two runs to make the score 8-3 and have a 5 run lead heading into the bottom of the third. In the bottom of the inning, Uni replaced Stroman with star closer Uniez. Uniez gave up hit after hit, until the score was 7-8 with a runner on third and Cody Bellinger at the plate. If he got a hit, the game would be tied, and if Uni got him out, the game would be over in the Unicorns favour. He fouled off a pitch, and then another one and another one. Then he smacked a single down the third base line to score a run. On the next pitch, Dee Gordon hit a single, and Andruw Jones got another single to win the game.
by Rachel
Today we will listen to Bluey as he tells us the fish news.
– Hello I’m Mr. Bluey and today the news is somebody got into the fish school and messed everything up.
- Ah, I’m back and just found out who did this damage, it was Mr. Cat. We still haven’t found out how he got in but don’t worry we can ask him. So Mr. Cat we have a few questions one is why, two is how and three is when?
Well, I wasn't trying to but I came across the school and I looked at things but I got a bit carried away.
Meepbob Vs. Uni Unicorns
by Sam
Today Meepbob hosted the Uni Unicorns at Meepbob's Backyard Stadium. They played 3 innings, and ended with a score of 9-8 Meepbob. The starting pitchers were Tim Leary for Meepbob, and Marcus Stroman for the Unicorns. In the top of the first, Leary gave up 5 runs on 7 hits. In the bottom of the first, Stroman shut down the Meepbob offence, gave up no runs and only 1 hit. In top of the second, Tim Leary was replaced by Ross Stripling, who managed to keep the Unicorns to only 1 more run. In the bottom half of the inning, Meepbob managed to bring 3 runs home, to make the score 6-3. In the first half of the third, Uni managed to score another two runs to make the score 8-3 and have a 5 run lead heading into the bottom of the third. In the bottom of the inning, Uni replaced Stroman with star closer Uniez. Uniez gave up hit after hit, until the score was 7-8 with a runner on third and Cody Bellinger at the plate. If he got a hit, the game would be tied, and if Uni got him out, the game would be over in the Unicorns favour. He fouled off a pitch, and then another one and another one. Then he smacked a single down the third base line to score a run. On the next pitch, Dee Gordon hit a single, and Andruw Jones got another single to win the game.
May 14, 2020
Texture art time
by Rachel
Today Rachel did art (with help from her mom). First they looked at the instructions in Google classroom and then got the paper. Then they went outside and while mom was hanging out laundry or whatever she was doing Rachel was testing out textures in their backyard. Next they went inside and they got out paint and mom made water colours. After that Rachel painted and then let them dry. Finally they were ready after a full morning of working. SEE Y'ALL NEXT TIME!!
Subterranean Takeover
by Dave
The lower depths of the KCUT palace have been overtaken recently by an unruly youthful band of revolutionary activists. These firebrands have dubbed their coup an “Underground Sleepover”, and have resolved to stay encamped in the lower levels until they are evacuated by force or the weekend comes to a close – whichever comes first.
Thus far, the occupying forces have conveyed repeated demands for books, blankets, and goldfish crackers of various types. The rebels have also made use of the significant Lego stockpiles that are kept in these lower levels, and KCUT citizens have heard “suspicious rustling” sounds at all hours of the day and night. While the incursion has largely been limited to the “guest bedroom” and “carpeted play area” regions of the subterranean levels, KCUT authorities are concerned it may spread to the “laundry”, “luggage storage”, and even potentially the “furnace” regions, as well.
Citizens are advised to be on the lookout for revolutionary activists dressed in signature pajamas (potentially with built-in feet, depending on the weather conditions). These rebels are to be approached with extreme caution, as they are armed with the latest “iPad” technological devices, and may entrap the unwary in a game of Risk, Monopoly, or lengthy Lego project.
May 15, 2020
How To Make Crayon Pucks
by Rachel
1. First you peel a whole bunch of crayons (warning: it takes a long time!)
2. Sort the crayons in the correct colours (it will help later)
3. Once you’re done, get a muffin tin and break crayons, colour by colour, into the muffin tin. [Editor's note: Make sure you oil the muffin cups so the crayon pucks don't stick.] Put each colour in a separate cup (see, I told you it would help later!)
4. Get a parent to help you with this step: set the oven to 350 degrees, and put the muffin tin in for about 5 minutes (watch them -- it’s cool!)
5. Let them cool for about 30-60 minutes.
6. Take them out and let them cool for a bit longer; then test them (make sure to use the side of the crayon -- it works the best)
7. Have fun!!! (I’d recommend having your dad draw with you.)
Hip New Coffee Shop Discovered
by Dave
The KCUT royal family was happy to stumble across a hitherto unknown coffee shop while looking for a way to celebrate the start of a long weekend (and the end of a long week!). This hole-in-the-wall establishment, consisting of a handful of tables and a small coffee/kitchen area, goes by the unusual name of “Starbucks”. While restaurants named after characters from “Moby Dick” haven’t exactly prospered recently (Stubb’s Seafood Shack and Queequeg’s Quiches being two recent restaurant industry failures), it is hoped that this one will at least last through the summer.
KCUT royalty were impressed with the specialty “frappuccino” beverages that were available, and enjoyed the mix of sweet, creamy, and sweeter mix of flavours. They were also charmed with the quirky mix of languages used to describe the drink sizes, although it did leave this reporter wondering if this would ever catch on beyond a small crowd of die-hard regulars.
While chatting with the owner (who was busily serving drinks, washing dishes, and waiting on tables), Natasha found out that not only was he confident that the restaurant would stick around, he was even hoping to open a second location, beyond KCUT’s borders. While this may seem wildly optimistic (and not, in this journalist’s opinion, especially likely), the citizens of KCUT were pleased with their first visit, and hope to return sometime soon.
May 16, 2020
Landscaping of Royal Grounds Begins
by Dave
Although poor weather has kept the royal groundskeepers idle for much of the spring, a recent meteorological improvement has finally provided the landscaping staff with an opportunity to leave the confines of the KCUT castle and begin improving the royal grounds.
Preparation for this work began with the procurement of a range of flora from a greenhouse based in a nearby kingdom. Botanical expert Natasha spent much of the morning planting these specimens in a range of pots and planters, while Assistant Under-Gardener Dave tended to the royal lawns, aided by Sub-Assistant Under-Gardeners Sam and Rachel, who adeptly handled the garden shears.
After a mid-afternoon pause for a royal family visit, work proceeded into the afternoon with some overdue tending to the royal flowerbeds, planting additional flowers in the arboretum, and general improvement and upkeep of the grounds.
The gardening staff is hoping for a lengthier spell of favourable weather next week, when they will continue improving the flowerbeds, planting additional specimens, and perhaps tending to the hedges that border the KCUT royal grounds.
Outside time
by Sam
Outside time today
Baseball, soccer and coke floats
It was very fun
by Rachel
1. First you peel a whole bunch of crayons (warning: it takes a long time!)
2. Sort the crayons in the correct colours (it will help later)
3. Once you’re done, get a muffin tin and break crayons, colour by colour, into the muffin tin. [Editor's note: Make sure you oil the muffin cups so the crayon pucks don't stick.] Put each colour in a separate cup (see, I told you it would help later!)
4. Get a parent to help you with this step: set the oven to 350 degrees, and put the muffin tin in for about 5 minutes (watch them -- it’s cool!)
5. Let them cool for about 30-60 minutes.
6. Take them out and let them cool for a bit longer; then test them (make sure to use the side of the crayon -- it works the best)
7. Have fun!!! (I’d recommend having your dad draw with you.)
Hip New Coffee Shop Discovered
by Dave
The KCUT royal family was happy to stumble across a hitherto unknown coffee shop while looking for a way to celebrate the start of a long weekend (and the end of a long week!). This hole-in-the-wall establishment, consisting of a handful of tables and a small coffee/kitchen area, goes by the unusual name of “Starbucks”. While restaurants named after characters from “Moby Dick” haven’t exactly prospered recently (Stubb’s Seafood Shack and Queequeg’s Quiches being two recent restaurant industry failures), it is hoped that this one will at least last through the summer.
KCUT royalty were impressed with the specialty “frappuccino” beverages that were available, and enjoyed the mix of sweet, creamy, and sweeter mix of flavours. They were also charmed with the quirky mix of languages used to describe the drink sizes, although it did leave this reporter wondering if this would ever catch on beyond a small crowd of die-hard regulars.
While chatting with the owner (who was busily serving drinks, washing dishes, and waiting on tables), Natasha found out that not only was he confident that the restaurant would stick around, he was even hoping to open a second location, beyond KCUT’s borders. While this may seem wildly optimistic (and not, in this journalist’s opinion, especially likely), the citizens of KCUT were pleased with their first visit, and hope to return sometime soon.
May 16, 2020
Landscaping of Royal Grounds Begins
by Dave
Although poor weather has kept the royal groundskeepers idle for much of the spring, a recent meteorological improvement has finally provided the landscaping staff with an opportunity to leave the confines of the KCUT castle and begin improving the royal grounds.
Preparation for this work began with the procurement of a range of flora from a greenhouse based in a nearby kingdom. Botanical expert Natasha spent much of the morning planting these specimens in a range of pots and planters, while Assistant Under-Gardener Dave tended to the royal lawns, aided by Sub-Assistant Under-Gardeners Sam and Rachel, who adeptly handled the garden shears.
After a mid-afternoon pause for a royal family visit, work proceeded into the afternoon with some overdue tending to the royal flowerbeds, planting additional flowers in the arboretum, and general improvement and upkeep of the grounds.
The gardening staff is hoping for a lengthier spell of favourable weather next week, when they will continue improving the flowerbeds, planting additional specimens, and perhaps tending to the hedges that border the KCUT royal grounds.
Outside time
by Sam
Outside time today
Baseball, soccer and coke floats
It was very fun
I woke up this morning thinking about the KC Post and was hoping for the royal updates. :)
ReplyDeleteThe subterranean takeover looks so fun...wish I could join.
These always make me smile!
ReplyDeleteDave is really fully and I love Sam's haikus. Also thanks for the crayon instructions, now we can try it!
ReplyDelete