It's a little ironic that I'm publishing this post as, this morning, I'm flying to Saskatoon with the kids to see my parents. "Ironic" because Saskatoon is where I grew up as the oldest of four children, yet most people who get to know me later in life, think I'm an only child. And honestly, most of the time, I feel like one.
All four of us kids were adopted. I was six days old and I was quite fortunate. My birth mother took care of herself during her pregnancy with me, and as far as I know, I have no ill effects. My siblings were not so lucky, especially the younger two.
My brother, Jason, is a year younger than me. He and I were close as kids but have grown apart. He lives about eight to ten hours away from my parents, and I haven't seen him since Sam was a year old. I'm Facebook friends with my sister-in-law and we send each other money for gifts for the kids but that's about all the contact we have. My parents have also only seen them a handful of times in the past few years.
My sister, Wendy, is two years younger than me. We adopted her, and her brother Chris, when she was almost six years old. It's hard to adopt an older child, especially one who has major trust issues. It was a turbulent ten years and then she ran away from home when she was fifteen and a half. I've only seen her about twice since then, and that was twenty five years ago. My parents do have some contact with her, however.
My brother, Chris, is five years younger than me. He was almost three when he was adopted. A lot happens in a child's life by the time they've turned three, and for better or worse, it shapes who they are and how they interact with the world. I've only seen Chris twice since Dave and I started dating almost nine years ago.
So, technically, I have three younger siblings. Practically, that doesn't mean all that much in my life.
In February, I wrote a post about my relationship with Janice, Tim, Tessa, and Willem. Whenever I start to feel sad about the realities of the relationships with my siblings, I just remember that, sometimes, brothers and sisters are those people we choose for ourselves.
Love this post and again, learning something about you I didn't know! And agreed- friends can be family, too :)
ReplyDeleteWow that's such a interesting family dynamic! And friends make fantastic family, too. :)
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that I am learning these things about you. I am so glad that you have friends that are like family too.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this! I'm sure it's not easy to open up and talk about "strained" relationships like that, but l'm thankful for your sake that you have maintained a great relationship with your parents and also formed sibling-like bonds with your friends :)
ReplyDeleteWow. Thank you for sharing this. I'm sure your parents are so thankful for their relationship with you.
ReplyDeleteI was just having a conversation with someone this week about how annoyed she gets when people talk about how family is EVERYTHING. It should be that family is everything... if you have a good one! And I agree with that. I'm lucky enough to have a close family with awesome siblings, but I'm not naive enough to think that everyone could have that if they just tried harder. Sometimes family members are duds. Friends can very easily be the family that you've never had and I'm glad that you found that in Tim and Janice's family. What a special relationship!
ReplyDeleteI know that your relationship with your siblings has been a sore spot, but you are right...family doesn't have to be blood (or adoption) and can be the people we choose who want to be in our lives. I am trying to find peace with that in my own life now, but it is hard dealing with the disappointment. Of course, you have some pretty great parents too which helps!
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